Stages of a breakup how to get through it

Breaking up is not easy. Whether it’s a breakup from a boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, life partner or even a best friend, it takes time for wounds to heal. Even if you were the one who initiated the split, there are five stages of grief that you will most likely go through. Here’s more.


Denial is your brain’s automatic response to unwanted news. Denial gives your heart time to adjust to the new situation. In the denial phase you may think that your significant other will come back to you. Everybody spends different amounts of time in the denial phase. In this time, turn to your friends and family for support. You can also reach out to me.


It’s normal to be angry at your ex. You may resent them for causing you pain. In this phase, it is important not to make any rash decisions that you may later regret. Wait until you are less emotional. Allow yourself to work through your anger, perhaps by exercising or drawing. Expressing your feelings in a journal is also a way to release your emotions.


In the bargaining phase you will try to restore your relationship or perhaps rebuild it as a friendship. Trying to befriend an ex, especially soon after the breakup, will only keep the pain of heartbreak fresh. Take some time to process what you have gone through and how you are feeling before making any decisions.


It’s normal to be sad. At this point in your grieving, you come to terms with the fact that the situation is not going to change. This is a time for reflection. You may want to be alone but remember that the kindness of others is not intended to upset you. Rely on your support system to keep you distracted from your breakup.


In the final l stage of grief after a breakup, you will begin to piece together what happened, accept the breakup, and acknowledge the part you played in it as well. This is an opportunity to learn from mistakes from the past and carry those lessons into the future. This is the healthiest way to fully accept a breakup and grow as an individual. The pain may not be gone completely yet, but time will heal those wounds.

Knowing your phases of grief after a breakup can help normalise your break-up experience. It’s also important to know that there are no time limits and no rush during the process. It takes time and the only thing you can do is try to get through it. Just remember, like everything else, this will eventually pass. You are strong, Choma!

If you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send a Facebook message or a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).