How to spot abuse in texts

Texting in a relationship has become a norm. It’s so easy to stay in touch with bae, especially with things like Facebook messenger and WhatsApp – chatting is simple, cheap and quick. It’s especially helpful when you have a long distance relationship. But receiving texts from your partner can also be stressful – especially when the texts start to make you uncomfortable. Here are red flags to look out for when your partner texts you. 

Interrogating you over text  

Being asked questions over text is perfectly normally – sometimes your partner just wants to know what you’re up to. But if your partner is asking you questions about what you’re getting up to and who you’re with, all the time, then that could spell trouble and could easily be a sign of a controlling personality. Constantly asking you questions about your daily activities is a sign of them trying to monitor your behaviour and looking for a reason to fight or argue. 

Always wanting an immediate response  

If your partner gets angry at you when you don’t respond immediately to texts, that’s a red flag. Partners who are insecure want constant attention and validation and become unnecessarily upset when they feel ignored. It’s not healthy to walk on eggshells with your partner and try to keep them happy all the time. In a healthy relationship, you partner knows that you have a life – that includes friends and family that you chat to. A good partner doesn’t try to take up every second of your time.

Jealous/Harassing Texts

Your partner might send you sarcastic or threatening comments, especially as a result of jealousy. For example they might say “I hope you’re enjoying spending time with your friends instead of me”, or “I see you’re chatting to that guy/girl”. Jealousy might seem cute, and you might think it’s love, but jealousy is not a sign of love. Trust is a sign of love. A partner that is constantly jealous, even over text, could be unhealthy for you. 

Overly Loving After Anger

If your partner is overly loving after being angry with you, sending you lots of texts with heart emojis, that could be a sign that your partner is abusive. Instead of simply admitting they were wrong and working on communicating better with you, they send loving texts saying how much they love you and how sorry they are to try and win you back quicker. Their mood swings will show in the texts and emojis they send, from extreme anger to extreme love and sensitivity. That’s not healthy at all.

Inappropriate texts and pics 

Does your partner try to start a sexual conversation or send you nudes of themselves (or others) even though they know you’re not comfortable with it? Not only is this sexual harassment, your partner is trying to pressure you into sending them explicit texts or images of yourself. They might say things like “I sent you something, now send me something back”. If your partner is someone who is giving you abusive vibes already then trust me Choma, they will eventually use your sexual texts and your nude pics as blackmail against you. Rather resist the temptation to send anything to them, no matter how much they beg and no matter how mad they get.

An unhealthy relationship can have a negative effect on you, so it’s important to know how to identify a potentially abusive partner. You deserve a healthy relationship on all levels. A text from your partner should make you feel good – not uncomfortable, stressed and afraid all the time.

Are you not sure if your partner is abusive or not? Let’s have a private chat about it. You can contact me here on Ask Choma send me a Facebook Message, an Instagram DM, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).

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