Stealthing What it is and why its sexual assault

Have you heard about ‘stealthing’ Choma? It’s a disturbing ‘new trend’ where guys remove a condom during sex without their partner knowing. For example, you and your partner would agree to use a condom before sex or during sex. However, your partner would then take the condom off during sex without you knowing, especially because they know you wouldn’t agree to it if you knew. Guys who do this assume they have a right to, either because they think sex is more pleasurable for them without a condom or because they want to ‘spread their seed’. It’s been called a trend because more and more guys are admitting to doing it, even though it’s not something new. 

Why is stealthing bad?

Firstly, stealthing (also known as non-consensual condom removal) is a violation of your rights to make a decision about your body. When someone removes a condom that you agreed to use during sex, they are also violating your consent. You did not agree to sex without a condom therefore you do not consent to the type of sex you are now having without a condom.  Some people think that consent is a once off. Just because you said yes to one thing, doesn’t mean you said yes to another. For example saying yes to kissing doesn’t mean you’re saying yes to sex. Saying yes to vaginal sex doesn’t mean you’re saying yes to anal sex. Saying yes to sex with a condom doesn’t mean you’re saying yes to sex without a condom. This is not what consent is. Any sexual activity without your consent is sexual assault Choma. Stealthing not only violates your rights to consensual sex, it also puts you at risk of falling pregnant and of contracting sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV. This is a violation of your sexual reproductive rights.

Guys believe stealthing is okay because it is ‘their right’ to have sex without a condom but this is not true at all Choma. You have the right to have safe sex, always.

Is stealthing illegal 

There was a recent case where a man was actually found guilty of rape after he had sex with a woman without a condom on. She did not consent to sex without a condom and only realized after sex that he had taken it off. She was within her right to charge him for rape because he violated her rights and her consent Choma. He put her at risk when she was trying to protect herself.

Some people may not see how serious it is because they don’t see it as sexual assault but women who are sexually assaulted through stealthing can experience the same trauma as other victims of rape. Sexually abusing a woman and putting her at risk of STIs and unwanted pregnancy which is a serious violation. Even the word ‘stealthing’ used in the community of men who brag about it makes it sound less like a violation and more like a game. This is a serious offense Choma and one that you don’t have to be silent about.

If you experienced this kind of sexual assault, or any sexual assault, and need support, you can contact the Rape Crisis 24-hour helpline on 021 447 9762. You can also contact POWA (People Opposing Women Abuse) on 0116424345/6 or LifeLine on 0800 055 555 (Toll Free)

And if you need advice on sexual assault, remember that you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).