The risks of having a ‘blesser’

A lot of young and vulnerable girls (and women) find themselves opting to have a ‘blesser’ because of the promise of a better life and easier access to a luxury lifestyle. A relationship with a blesser is transactional, which means that sex is offered in exchange for money, expensive trips, shopping sprees, etc. While this may appear harmless, there are some risks. Here are a few.

Human trafficking

Some human traffickers pose as ‘blessers’ so that they can lure young women into being trafficked for sex. Although this is not to say that all ‘blessers’ are human traffickers, you can’t be sure whether the person you’re getting involved with is a ‘blesser’ or human trafficker.

Higher risk of contracting HIV

In South Africa, the highest number of new HIV infections is found in young girls between the ages of 16 and 24. It’s said that many of these girls contract HIV from older men, mostly men who are their ‘blessers’. This is because most of the time, the ‘blesser’ is the one who makes decisions about the relationship, making it hard for young girls to request that they use a condom during sex.

There’s also a possibility that the ‘blesser’ has multiple sexual partners at a time, which means that they are at higher risk of contracting and transmitting STIs including HIV.


When someone supports another person financially in a relationship, it’s highly likely for them to view the financially dependent person as a possession (something they own). This increases the risk of them being controlling and abusive.

While it can be really difficult to cope with financial challenges, having a blesser is not a very helpful solution since it can lead to many other problems in the long-term. Being financially independent is a more permanent solution that can make you your own ‘blesser’, even though it takes hard work and determination.

Remember if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Messagea Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).