Thinking of having sex? Your Questions Answered

Questions about sex can feel embarrassing, especially when you don’t know who to ask or trust. Here’s some common sex questions answered.

Am I old enough to have sex?

In South Africa, the legal age of sexual consent is 16, regardless of gender and sexual orientation. This means that it is against the law for anyone (over the age of 16) to have sex with someone who is under 16. This is actually considered statutory rape.

It’s important for you to interrogate your intentions when you are thinking of having sex because sex requires you to be mentally and emotionally ready. Ask yourself why you are having sex? Is it peer pressure? Is it curiosity? Is it love? It’s important to ask yourself these questions and to give yourself honest answers.

Does it hurt and will I bleed? 

Sexual intercourse can hurt, feel good, or both depending on many factors. There might be pain and bleeding the first time you have sex, but this is not the case for everyone. Some people naturally have more hymen tissue than others, and pain and bleeding can occur when their hymen gets stretched.

Other factors that can contribute to painful sex include, you can read about them here.

How should I prepare, and what should I talk about with my partner before sex?  

It’s important to talk with your partner beforehand about what you’ll do to protect yourselves against unplanned pregnancy, STIs and what to do in case the condom bursts. You should consider the dual method (using birth control and a condom) for maximum protection. This is also a great opportunity to talk to your partner about your boundaries, expectations and what makes both of you uncomfortable.

Who is supposed to bring the condoms? 

Although we have been socially conditioned that men are the only ones to carry condoms, it is not true. The responsibility of carrying condoms is for both people engaging in sexual intercourse. Carrying your own pack of condoms empowers you to take the responsibility of your health into your own hands.  

Am I supposed to pee after sex? 

Peeing after sex is not always necessary Choma, but it is helpful in preventing Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). If you experience frequent UTI’s, especially after intercourse, it would be wise to consult with your healthcare provider. Peeing after sex does not prevent pregnancy or STI infections.

What if sex doesn’t feel good at first, does it mean I hate it? 

Each person is different, and preferences may even vary from day to day or mood to mood. There are many things that can influence how you feel after your first sexual experience. Take time to learn about your own body and be honest with your level of readiness. Pay attention to what feels good over what you think is supposed to feel good. Don’t try to force anything just because your friends are doing it, or you watched it on TV.

What if I regret having sex for the first time? 

How you feel after having sex is valid and should be taken seriously. If you had sex, and now you wish you hadn’t, it’s okay. Take some time to reflect on what’s making you feel that way. You can ask yourself if you felt pressured, if it was uncomfortable, if your partner is the problem or question your level of readiness. You can then consider taking a break for a while until you feel comfortable enough to try again.

What if I want to stop in the middle of having sex? 

You can withdraw consent at any point if you feel uncomfortable. One way to do this is to clearly communicate to your partner that you are no longer comfortable with this activity and wish to stop. If you withdraw consent and your partner still forces you to have sex, that is considered rape and should be reported at your local police station. 

Communicating with your partner allows for great sexual experiences. It is important to consent, make your boundaries clear and protect yourself at all times when considering having sex. Have any other questions? Drop them down in the comments below.

If you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).