What should I do if my partner won’t commit?

Relationships aren’t always easy, but one thing that can really turn your experience into a bad one is having a partner that just won’t commit. Whether it’s because of cheating, or just feelings of distance, this seems to be something that a lot of us have gone through or are going through – and I get a lot of questions from Chomas in this situation. So, here’s my take on it – from the signs to advice on what you can do.

Signs that they aren’t committed

Do you sometimes feel like things are great when you’re with your partner face-to-face, but when you’re both apart, it seems like the relationship doesn’t exist? Or that they seem to avoid having conversations about their feelings or the relationship? Or they keep cancelling that date you had planned ages ago? They don’t respond to your texts or when they do its days later. You may find that you only see them a few times in a month? They don’t make any effort. Choma, this all boils down to communication which is a really important part of any relationship, and a lack of this could be a sign that your partner isn’t ready/willing to put in the work it takes to build a long-lasting relationship.

Here’s my advice

Firstly, you should try initiate a conversation with them about it so that you get an understanding of how they’re feeling about the relationship. Maybe your partner is going through something difficult, and as a result, they might be shutting themselves off emotionally, or it could be that they’re just not sure how to be emotionally available. But you’ll never know until you ask.

Then, you should be clear with yourself and your partner about what it is you want and what your expectations are.  At the end of the day you shouldn’t be settling for less than you deserve, because you deserve a partner who will respect your time, and your need for clear communication, emotional commitment and honesty.

Remember Choma, even if you love someone, you don’t have to stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy, that keeps you wondering, and you definitely shouldn’t stay with the hope that you can make your partner change. Commitment takes work, and it’s not always a comfortable conversation to have, but it’s a very necessary one.

If you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657)