Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you have to give up your sense of self. Part of being in a healthy, equal relationship is being able to maintain your independence and still be able to be yourself. If you’re in a committed relationship, you can easily feel like your identity is based around your relationship or your partners ideals and not so much your own. If you need tips on how to be empowered while maintaining your relationship, here are a few.

Be okay with saying no

Saying no to someone that you care about is hard but sometimes it has to be done. If you’re someone who dislikes conflict, then you might find yourself agreeing to certain things just for the sake of keeping things cool. Unfortunately, when you constantly reduce your own needs and suppress your feelings because you want to please your partner, you risk your personal wellbeing and that of your relationship. Regardless of the state of the relationship, learn how to value your ‘no’ and be unapologetic about it.

Make decisions for yourself

In the beginning of a relationship you might tend to do things to either please or impress your partner. Eventually you realise that you still want to keep your own values and not agree to everything your partner agrees with. This is perfectly fine, and is actually a natural progression for most relationships.

It’s important to be able to say what you feel (as long as you’re not offending or abusing your partner) and to also do things that make you happy.  With that comes making decisions that make you happy. This means stuff like choosing who you hang out with, choosing what you want to do with your life, choosing how you eat and what you wear. Only you can choose healthy decisions for yourself that make you feel good and fulfilled, not your partner.

Take charge of your own happiness

Taking responsibility for your own emotions and happiness gives you control of your own destiny and it prevents you from losing yourself in a relationship.  It is important to know that you’re the only person that is responsible for your own happiness and that your partner is there to add onto it. When you’re in control of your own happiness then you are truly empowered.

Understand your boundaries

What can you absolutely not put up with in a relationship? Knowing your boundaries and being firm with them is so empowering because you’re saying to yourself “I will not, under any circumstances, be disrespected”. Understand your boundaries and communicate them with your partner.

Remember, if the relationship doesn’t bring any value to you and you’re constantly emotionally taxed, then you know that it is time for you to walk away. Just like saying no to someone that you care about, walking away from a relationship that does not empower you in any way can be hard, but it’s always better to do what’s best for your own emotional health at the end of the day.

Staying empowered in your relationship doesn’t mean overpowering your partner or only thinking about yourself. It means being confident in yourself, being able to maintain your independence and not getting to a point where you feel like your personality and identity have been totally drowned out by your relationship. For a relationship to be healthy and equal, both partners need to be empowered.

Remember, if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).