Is your relationship emotionally abusive?

Emotional abuse is not as easy to spot in a relationship, unlike sexual and physical abuse. You and your loved ones might not even notice that it’s happening. There are signs that you could’ve noticed, but you dismissed because you believe that your partner’s behaviour is their way of caring. Here are a few signs that you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Your partner says mean things as jokes 

Teasing each other in a relationship is normal and a lot of couples do that, but the problem starts when your partner says hurtful things and disguises them as jokes. For example, your partner making you feel insecure about yourself because he keeps joking about your weight gain- is actually abusive and problematic. 

You are always to blame

Relationships are not easy and they require some work and effort from both parties, but – if you always find yourself apologising and being blamed for every challenge your relationship experiences, then your partner is taking advantage of you.


Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation that can often go unnoticed. But, it’s very dangerous and it can affect your mental health negatively. 

If your partner has a tendency of making you doubt yourself or your reality through denying something or twisting the version of events to invalidate what you’re saying, then they are gaslighting you. More examples of gaslighting includes trying to put people against you, telling blatant lies and they tell others that you’re crazy or that you’re a liar. 

Expect your life to revolve around them

This happens a lot if your partner is going through a rough time. Yes, I know you want to be there for them especially when they need you the most, but you have to know that you don’t have to drop everything for them. 

For example, if your partner doesn’t want you to spend time with other people like your friends, because they want you all to themselves, then that’s another red flag.

They’re controlling 

Emotionally abusive people will try to invalidate you and make you feel like you need them, or nobody else will love you. They will also start controlling you by telling you what to wear, how you should act or who you should be around.

There are many other ways to be emotionally abused or to be the abuser, read more on it here.

It’s important for you to know when your relationship is unhealthy or toxic so that you can walk away because you deserve better, and there is always someone who is willing to offer you better. 

Remember, if you need someone to talk to, you can speak to me for advice or help here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).