Speaking to your partner about insecurities

Insecurities are those thoughts that we have about our flaws, the negative opinions we get from other people and from mentally replaying the mistakes we might have made. Being insecure while you’re in a relationship is not easy to deal with and it may affect your relationship.

It’s understandable if you feel like dealing with insecurity in a relationship is hard, especially if your partner doesn’t understand where it comes from or what you’re going through. The scariest realisation about insecurity is that all the frustrations caused by it could eventually lead to a break-up. But before it gets to that point, here’s how you can speak to your partner about insecurities:


Honest communication is key in any relationship. Sometimes, factors like being afraid of losing your partner, a lot of people giving your partner attention because they find them attractive or feeling neglected can be the root of your insecurity.

When you’ve figured out what the cause of the insecurities are, talk to your partner about them and give them a few examples of the times that you felt insecure. Letting your partner know that you’re working on your insecurities is important because that will allow you both to come up with solutions that will work for the both of you.

Spend time with your own friends

Choma, I understand that you want to be with your partner all the time, but a common mistake that we make in relationships is assuming that our partner’s lives revolve around us, and vice versa. We have to accept that the people we are in relationships with have their own lives and that’s okay.

So, dress up and go spend time and have fun with your own friends. Encourage your partner to do the same because sometimes space is needed in relationships. Distance does make the heart grow fonder and it’s okay to miss each other.

Work on your confidence

You might be attractive and confident but being insecure can also affect you. A lack of confidence can affect your relationship negatively because you will always think that you are not good enough or worthy of your partner. The sad part is that you might end up convincing yourself this is true and eventually drive your partner away. Self-love is important, especially when you’re in a relationship.

You can read more about self-confidence tips here.

Insecurity will suck the happiness and confidence out of you Choma and you may feel like you are not worthy of being loved. Value yourself at all times and always know that you are worth all the love that you can get because you’re simply amazing.

Remember, if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).